If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
