Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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