I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
