I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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