Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
