I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize