never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
