I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
