So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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