apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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