You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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