Taylor Swift is so right about you.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
