I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
