i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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