you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
