you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
