you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
