hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
