i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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