Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
