if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
