You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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