I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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