so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
