last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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