its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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