yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
foreskin is a definite game changer
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
