you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
