I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
