I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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