i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
