he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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