Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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