70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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