apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How naked do you want me to be?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
