just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
