This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
