i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
