Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
