i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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