maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
