I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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