i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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