my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
