Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
