tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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