we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she pinky promised me she was 18
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize