walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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