Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
