Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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