allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
