took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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