he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
