I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
