are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
