why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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