I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
