My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
