There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
