My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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