So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize