Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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