i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
