smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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