dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
