If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
