The beer is more important than you right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
