I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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