I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
