He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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