Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
