We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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