she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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