I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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