Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
