lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
