I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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