If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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