Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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